I love my daughter more than life itself. She is my everything!
BUT...I can honestly say that in the 19 months that Isla has been "around", (15 months since birth, and 9 months incubation period inside me) last night was the first time I ever wished that I wasn't the mom of a toddler. An infant, who sleeps 90% of the day, perhaps...an older child, who is able to take care of themselves...sure. But I was seriously irritated with the fact that I was the mother of a toddler last night.
Let me explain:
We went to an outdoor concert at a local park, and it was PACKED!!! Seriously, half of Omaha was there. Isla did awesome in the beginning, despite the fact that we did not plan this outing, so her stroller was left at home, in my car. So, she walked with my mom, held her hand the whole way through the parking garage and across the street, and through the park. Rockstar! I was so impressed...UNTIL we found a spot to sit and she decided that she wanted to RUN AWAY every chance she got. I get it, toddlers whole "bane of existence" is to run around like a crazy person and not listen to their parent(s). Normally, I'm all for letting her run around in a park. As long as she stays away from the streets, anything dangerous, and strangers. Well throw all three of those things into this location AND a large/massive crowd of people...and cement. It was just too much for me to handle. Time after time, she kept running away from our compound of lawn chairs, and each time, I (or various other members of our party) would have to go chase after her.
(I am not a fan of those kiddie leashes, but I totally wanted one after the 10th time she ran from us).
After watching one little boy bawl his eyes out because got separated from his mommy, I was becoming more irritated with the fact that she would not sit still. Finally, as we were packing up to leave, she ran up into the grass and down the sidewalk. As I caught up with her, I grabbed her arm and turned her around to face me, and looked her square in the eyes and broke out my "mean mom voice". Naturally, she cried...and I felt extremely bad. I know she doesn't know any better, but I am just trying to protect her and I wish that she was at an age where she could understand that_or an age where she would have passed out the whole time.
At one point, last night, I remember thinking: This would be so much more enjoyable if I didn't have a child. I feel bad for thinking it, and I try to correct that by telling myself, that concert was one night. That's one night out of the 462 days she has been alive. That's not so bad...
Hopefully I am not alone on this topic...I'm praying that other mom's/dad's have had this thought. Please share your stories!! Make me feel better about myself. ;-)